10 Habits of a Highly Effective Marriage (and a BONUS!)

10 HABITS OF A HIGHLY EFFECTIVE MARRIAGE (PLUS A BONUS)

After almost 15 years of marriage, 13 of those with kids, we've learned a thing or two about making sure our marriage isn't just good, but great.

1. Pray together and for each other. Its easy to get lost in our own personal space when it comes to praying. But the Bible tells us we are one flesh after marriage. Praying together keeps you on the same page when it comes to allowing Christ to be the center of your marriage and your family.

2. Think about the other before you think about yourself. This is a learned trait in marriage and it takes both parties to make it work. We were taught this in our pre-marital counseling and it went out the window for about 10 years and then we finally figured it out. Humans are naturally selfish beings. If we don't see or feel equal balance in all areas across the board, we feel left out, unwanted, not as important, forgotten. But if both of you are thinking of the other before yourself, both of your needs are being fully met.

3. Laugh together. And I'm not talking about watching a comedian or a funny movie (although we do enjoy those too). No, we make each other laugh. We have inside jokes we pull out at various times just to get a giggle from the other. We laugh at ourselves, the craziness of parenting, the fact that we both let out long sighs when we climb into bed at night.

4. Talk, a lot. Communication doesn't just count when something is going wrong and you need to talk about it. Real communication counts when you take the time to talk about your day together, fears you are having, joys and stresses. If you can learn to really communicate while happy and content, you will know how to communicate better when things in life are stressful.

5. Look good for each other. One of my favorite things about my marriage is that both Nandor and I make sure we are physically attractive to the other one. We both work hard to stay in shape so when the other person looks at us we can see the attraction in their eyes.

6. Say I love you when it isn't expected. Saying "I love you" has become something reserved just for saying goodbye. Think about the times you say I love you to your partner. For most its when the other leaves for work, when we hang up the phone (or end a text thread), or when we go to bed. Saying I love you when they least expect it sparks a special connection between the two of you. It says right now in this moment when nothing is happening, I'm thinking about you.

7. Say your attractions out loud. Think back to when you were dating and you would say things like "You are so hot." Remember that?? Why did we stop doing that? Telling someone what you find attractive about them lets them know you are still 1. looking at them and 2. still find them attractive. And it doesn't always have to be physical.

8. Take baths together, or showers, either or, or both. I know this isn't for everyone, but I think this is a big one. Nandor and I take a bath together at least 3 days a week. I will say we are both clean prior to getting into the tub with each other. The bath isn't to clean ourselves, it to spend naked time together. Most times our nakedness is reserved strictly for sex, but there is something extremely intimate about being naked with your spouse when sex isn't involved.

9. Unexpected touches. Whenever I walk past Nandor he touches or grabs my butt. Sometimes its a graze other times its a full whole handful (or whatever he can fit in his hand), but this touch lets me know he still desires me.

10. Spend time together. Some people will tell you to go on date night once a week or once a month. Truth is, my current stage of life doesn't really allow for that and I know not everyone's does. Time doesn't have to be 2 hours out of the house over dinner. If you strip away the restaurant and the fancy clothes, you have two people who love each other, talking, and that can be done anywhere.

BONUS. Get creative! Marriage isn't about a book or even this top 10 list. Marriage is about the other person and working together to create a beautiful lasting relationship. Sometimes routine can be a huge damager to this! Mix things up! Be spontaneous! Try new things!