Parental Advice for Managing Your Child's Fortnite Obsession

Y'all, Fortnite has caused me to go to an entirely new level of patience with my almost thirteen year old son Zion. I don't know what it is with this game and the crazy genius minds behind it, but from kids to adults are all kinds of obsessed. I think the only good thing that has come out of Zion loving Fortnite so much is he pays a little more attention to his chores and his behavior!!

What is it that we as parents just don't like about Fortnite? For me it's totally the obsessive nature behind wanting to play it. I have never minded Zion playing video games. Prior to Fortnite, Madden was his go-to game and he would go through phases of intense play and then phases where he didn't touch it for weeks. Granted he was a few years younger then, but now with Fortnite he wakes up thinking about it and goes to bed dreaming about it. He literally counts down the hours until he is allowed to get on. If it's not during one of his play times, he will negotiate ways to earn more time. He talks about upgrading his device and buying very specific, very expensive controllers and asking me to buy "skins" and download the newest version what feels like every 48 hours. It's just enough to drive you CRAZY and makes you wonder what in the world is this game doing to my son's brain?!

Okay, so if you're here you may be on the struggle bus of how to manage Fortnite for your kids as well. I want to first say it took me quite a few tries to get to a solution that actually works well for all of us. Zion is fully aware that at any point in time I can tell him it isn't working and Fortnite will be gone, so he knows his attention to the rules is his key to keeping the game in his life. That is probably my very first piece of advice --

DON'T BE AFRAID TO CHANGE THE RULES

Zion is my oldest so I'm learning the ropes of gaming with him. My husband isn't much of a gamer, although once early on in our marriage he binge played Call of Duty for an entire weekend until he beat it. Once he beat it, I guess the high was achieved and he never played again! So, Zion is very aware we are learning the ropes of gaming together. We've also done our best to teach him the why behind all the rules. I don't believe it is enough just to set rules and have the expectation your children will obey simply because it's a rule. As parents it is our job to to teach them everything, not just tell them everything. This includes the things we think should just be obeyed because we said so. After you have set your rules and achievable expectations and gone over them with your child, also set the consequences for breaking the rules.

Bottom line,

At any point in time if the current rules aren't working I can change them or take Fortnite away altogether.

We have a few "non-negotiables" as we call them, meaning Zion gets zero play time if these specific rules aren't being followed. I try to keep these non-negotiable rules to a minimum because he uses the "I forgot" excuse way too often for my patience, but also because I as a mom often get too busy to really check. If at any time he breaks a non-negotiable Fortnite is taken away for an entire week.

OUR FORTNITE NON-NEGOTIABLES

No bad attitudes or disrespect. I don't think I need to elaborate on this one.

All school work must be 100% completed. Zion is homeschooled so this may be different for you if you have a child that attends traditional school.

Beyond the non-negotiables he must also complete chores which include keeping his room and bathroom clean, keeping his laundry picked up, and a few household chores as well. I do have some degree of leniency on these. For example, I don't go upstairs to his room and bathroom daily to check, but I do have the expectation he is following the rules. If I go up and notice he isn't picking up his clothes, I may take Fortnite away for a day or two for him not abiding by the rules. Those unknown checks keep him on his toes!

We also have a loose rule of no more than 1 hour of uninterrupted game play. I personally don't like the idea of him sitting in his room, playing a game for hours on end. But, I say loose because often times he will play with his cousin and between playing and chatting I know he loses track of time. We've tried numerous ways to keep him to this rule, but we have found the easiest ways are to

1. have him set an alarm for an hour. If he is playing with his cousin he can ask for more time if necessary.

2. have him let me know when he is starting play. I don't keep an eye on the clock, but I definitely know when too long is too long and I'll call him downstairs.

3. lock his phone.... see more on this below

Chatting with anyone he doesn't know is 100% off limits. Telling anyone any personal information is completely off limits as well. We have been fully open and honest with Zion on how some people's intentions are not just to play Fortnite.

BEYOND THE RULES

So, lets be honest here, we are dealing with kids and rules only go so far. If we as parent's have the expectation our kids should simply follow the rules "because we have said so", we are going to be sadly let down. Every one of the rules I mentioned above have been broken multiple times...sometimes right in front of my face, sometimes a few days after devices have been taken away for a week. The answer is....kids will be kids will be kids. Kids with an obsession will look for ways to deceive their parents. Their nature isn't to follow the rules, their nature is to do what they want to do. The rules I've outlined above are a life skills teacher and a life lessons learner, but those rules do not provide full control or full safety. That is in my hands.

HERE ARE TWO WAYS YOU THE PARENT WILL HAVE FULL CONTROL OVER FORTNITE

I will say this takes a little effort on your part as a parent. You may have to buy a few things and spend a little time getting it all set up, but I honestly don't think anything is too much for peace of mind and ultimately your child's safety.

At the ages of 12 and 13 our children don't have actual service for their phones or devices. Their devices are only accessible when on wifi. When on wifi they can text their friends using iMessage (which my husband and I get directly on our own phones) and they have access to approved apps. Another quick note, kinda off topic, but worth being said, we have removed safari from their phones and they do not have the password to download apps on their own. I could and maybe should write an entire blog on this alone!

I know kids play on different devices, but Fortnite requires a wifi connection so hopefully the advice I'm giving below will be helpful for everyone!

Get a separate wifi connection for your kids. We have wifi through Xfinity and we also have Google Wifi that has a separate connection and login. My limited understanding is Google Wifi pulls from your main wifi, it just offers you separate login and a few pretty cool other features. You do have to purchase Google Wifi router, but not any additional wifi. Google Wifi is fully run from the Google Home app and that allows you to control all settings. You can set the days and hours, time limits, and specific devices that are allowed to access that particular wifi login. We have ours set to be accessible from 2pm-7pm. You also have the ability to change the password at any time should you need to for any reason.

The current IOS update allows you to set time perimeters on Apple devices. This is pretty awesome for adults too! You can have apps on phones fully disabled until a specific time of day and you can place time limits on specific apps. Right now Zion has a two hour time limit on Fortnite. It will send him notifications and let him know when its nearing his end time and when time is up it locks him out of the app. This has worked so well for us.

Parents, if you are anything like me you want to allow your kids certain privileges when it comes to the internet and specific age appropriate apps. All of this has to be safely and completely under the watchful eye of caring adults. Just like we wouldn't allow our kids full access to the car as soon as they turn 15, we shouldn't hand them a phone or iPad or computer with full access to the internet as soon as they want it. There have to be limits and teachable opportunities to help them learn how to navigate the world wide web.

Hopefully this gave you a few ideas to put into place in your own family! Please let me know your thoughts and if you think you will be trying anything I mentioned above.