Making Changes When You Don't Like Change

Hi, I'm Miranda and I don't like change.

I'm 35 years old and change is really difficult for me. I don't like surprises, I don't like impromptu situations. I'm a planner, the further in advance the better, and I like things to remain the same, with subtle, intentional changes that I get to dictate sprinkled in here and there. And while we are at it, I also struggle with commitment. Whew, that was a load off!!

I'm sure if I were to sit down with a therapist we could figure out something from my past. I don't remember struggling with change much as a child. In fact as a kid I was really brave. The older I got though the more I started to resist making changes on my own and I was very particular about keeping to a schedule. It is probably the reason I stayed home to go to college and more than likely the reason my first car purchase was the same make and model I learned to drive at 15. Now that I think about it, it is also probably the reason NONE of my children had their hair cut before the age of 2....and my daughter was 6. Oh gosh.

I don't like to say fear is the reason, but if I'm being honest with myself it is. I fear change. I fear things being different than what I am used to. I fear the uncomfortable and I fear the adjustment process. It's hard. Hard, hard, hard. Because of this it takes me a very long time to make decisions. I think of the outcome way before I ever pull the plug and work through every possible scenario that could possibly take place. Usually the one where I end up hating it wins and therefore everything stays the same. It's a sad cycle.

This is the reason I have had long, brown hair since I got married 14 years ago. I've pinned hundreds of different hairstyles and hair colors all of which I genuinely like, however pulling the plug on actually doing them would never happen. My hair is like a security blanket for me and I have complete control over whether it changes or not. It's sad, but that kind of power has brought me so much comfort. About 3 years ago I decided I wanted something different and, albeit hesitantly, cut my hair just below my shoulders. He did go a little shorter than I requested but still, I cried immediately when I got in the car. Called my husband and full out balled. I hated it. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. It didn't matter how many times someone told me they loved it, I couldn't get adjusted to it.

This thing about myself has harnessed so many different areas of my life outside of my hair. But yet I felt my hair held the key to actually being able to start the process of letting go.

There are certain things I know about myself and one of them is I like long hair. But I knew I could change the color without changing the length and still (hopefully) make the breakthrough I was hoping for.

I sauntered myself into Local Honey in Nashville feeling brave and showed a photo to my hairstylist Quinten. We both knew it would be a massive change and the process took about 8 hours over the course of 2 days! I went from a deep chocolate brunette with subtle caramel highlights to a fierce honey blonde balayage. But once it started there was no turning back and I had to trust him and know regardless of the outcome this would be my new hair for a good long while.

The truth is, initiating the change was the hardest part. Saying "This is what I want" was so hard. It was commitment. It was knowing after I said it I couldn't take it back. Once it was done, it was a little less hard. I knew it was permanent, or at least permanent for the time being. I knew I couldn't get away from it and I think that is what made it slightly less hard than the initial step. Now, about a month into the change the only hard part is when I look in the mirror. It still shocks me I'm not a brunette, but then again I've been a brunette for 35 years, so that is a BIG change. I'm learning to let go of the things I think identify me. My hair doesn't identify me. It's just a color and I am Miranda regardless of what my hair color is. My hope anyways is that people see past my outward appearance.

If you are like me and wanting to make some changes in your life to hopefully let go of the fear of change there are a few things I suggest.

Start with something superficial. Superficial things ultimately don't matter. We think they do, but in the grand scheme of things, they aren't life altering. Depending on your desire for change you could paint your front door a different color, buy a different brand of toilet paper, maybe buy a piece of clothing a completely different style or color than you are used to and wear it out to dinner. Do anything that makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable and puts you out of your comfort zone. Commit to it understanding the change you've made is a good thing!

Baby steps or big giant elephant steps, whichever you choose, I believe in you!!

#change