Gifts for a NICU Mama

Overall I have spent 17 weeks as a NICU Mama - 7 weeks with our daughter Elle and 10 weeks with our son Hollis. Elle was my learning phase. I knew nothing the first time around! Most of this stuff I learned because I happened to have two preemies. You'll read I refer to Hollis more often because of this.

Over the years I've received many messages from extremely kind people who know of other moms who have a child in the NICU and are wanting a way to offer help and support. I can tell you any type of love shown to the family during the NICU time is so greatly appreciated, but if you need a little help deciding on exactly what to do to help out your NICU mama friend, here are a few things that are so helpful!

1. At Home Chores.

Life continues outside of the NICU and it seems 1000 times harder to keep up. Continuing to manage the house was so difficult for me. I was rarely at home and when I was there it was to take a shower, eat, and spend time with my husband and other kids. I wasn't even in the mindset to much of anything else!

Offer to come and do laundry a couple days a week. Bring dinner over on the same night every single week. Hire a house keeper to come in once a week to help manage the mess. Really, anything you can think of that may take away from he time it takes to keep a house in order!

2. Special NICU Items.

Special items were huge for me. Most everything needed to care for Elle and Hollis was provided by the hospital. It was white and ugly and smelled hospital-like and made me feel as if I wasn't giving any special care to my children. There are a few things that are used by mom multiple times a day in the NICU that can help create more of a personal atmosphere while caring for her child in the NICU.

A NICU Bag - I came and went from the NICU multiple times a day and each time had certain things to bring with me for both mine and Hollis's care, some of those mentioned below. I had a specific bag for my NICU needs. Mine was monogrammed with an 'H' (something personal and connected me to H) and was just one large open bag with no compartments. I was able to throw in water bottles and pumping parts and snacks and books and really anything I wanted to use while I was at Hollis's bedside.

Cotton Gown for Mom - skin to skin is so important for preemies and most NICUs will give you a gown to wear when you remove your shirt. I however liked the idea of having something a bit more personal when holding my son.

Blankets - once again also provided by the hospital, but they aren't personal. I had a blanket monogrammed with Hollis's name to use while I held him. Since he was so tiny, I only got to hold him a few times a day and I enjoyed having a special blanket to use just for this time. I even used this when we were able to bring him home.

3. Gas Cards.

During our NICU days I would travel to and from the hospital at least 4 times a day. We were blessed to live only 15 minutes from the hospitals Elle and Hollis were in however I knew many mamas who lived hours away. Gas become an extra expense to add to all the medical expenses that are quickly piling up! If you are looking for a way to help out in a very specific financial way, consider a gas card.

4. Baby Gifts.

I hear so many people say they don't want to bring a baby gift because they aren't sure if the baby will survive. I can understand why anyone would feel this way, but it breaks my heart. Babies of any size regardless of health deserve to be celebrated. Your gift will not make your friend any more sad than she already is and she will more than likely appreciate you acknowledging the fact she did in fact give birth to a beautiful baby. One of my most favorite gifts I received when Hollis was in the NICU was a monogrammed gift basket filled with baby items. None of it could be used at that time, but it gave me so many things to look forward to and I appreciated my friend giving me items that made my situation feel a little more normal.

5. Watch Their Other Kids.

During both of our NICU stays we had another child or two. The first time around, our oldest son was too young to come with us into the NICU. The second time around, our kids were older, but it was flu season so no children under 12 were allowed. If my husband and I wanted to see our preemie at the same time, we had to find childcare for our other kids. We had a handful of friends who offered to take our kids on a Saturday or Sunday so we could have the plan to go together. Our kids just loved this and it helped us not feel like our kids weren't feeling neglected in any way.

My biggest piece of advice is "Don't ask. Just do." If you think something may be helpful, just do it. Offering is awesome, but saying "I'm gonna pick the kids up on Saturday and take them to the movies" or "I'm gonna bring dinner over on Friday night" is even better. Making any sort of decision while having a critically ill child is incredibly difficult. It is a wonderful relief when someone tells you what they are going to do instead of you having to remember to call them and tell them they can do something.Asking was always hard for me. Even the most difficult of situations I still had trouble asking for help. But I was always more inclined to ask for help from those who had already done other things. I saw their willingness to step in and be an active part of our journey so it made me more comfortable to ask. If you are wanting to be that kind of support to your NICU mama friend I highly suggest jumping right in and doing whatever it is to make her life a little bit easier.

#prematurity