Practical Questions to Ask Yourself if Being a Stay at Home Mom is the Right Choice for You

I would say at least 75% of women question if being a stay at home mom is the right choice for them. This isn't a proven statistic, so don't go lookin' it up, just my personal experience with friends and family. It seems that at some point either during maternity leave or shortly after returning to work, new moms wonder if maybe they should rethink working outside of the home.

Making the choice to leave your child for multiple hours a day isn't easy. The cost of day care or in home child care is expensive, and often times with those two combined, the choice to stay home becomes more intriguing. But it's not for the faint of heart, which is why you are probably reading this right now. Most people understand being home 24/7 with kids is daunting. The job of stay at home mom is full time, no breaks, little praise, and ZERO pay. This is the best video I could have ever hoped to find accurately describing the job. I actually cried when I watched it because it totally hits home.

As you work through the thought process of finding out if staying home full time with your children is the right thing for your family, I'm offering you 5 practical questions to ask yourself. I've been in this path of work for over 12 years now so I have a pretty good idea of the in's and out's of this ever changing position. Expect brutal honestly. As you read through these you may say to yourself "Gosh, Miranda hates being a stay at home mom!" and nothing is further from the truth. I LOVE being home with my kids. I LOVE serving my family in this path, but loving it doesn't change the fact it comes with many highs and lows. The same is true for any job. I believe just as you would would any job you take, you need to fully informed of the daily tasks.

1. Can I deal with staying at home A LOT? Initially you may have thoughts of reoccurring nature walks and organized play dates happening on the regular. There will always be days where outside of the house activities are scheduled or you make plans to head to the grocery store, Target, or My Gym. You will find though, having a consistent daily at home schedule works FAR better for you and your child(ren) even if you don't consider yourself a "home body." Kids operate better in routine and keeping to this will tame the inevitable massive meltdowns. Just thinking about trying to manage breakfast, lunch, and dinner while keeping to a nap schedule on the go makes my hair stand on end. It's a recipe for disaster!! That doesn't mean you can never do anything outside of the home, but I can promise your sanity as a stay at home mom will be more even if you keep to a consistent at home schedule. Even if that schedule is waking up, having coffee, and staying in your pajamas until noon, if it's routine, your kids will adapt to it, come to expect it and feel comfortable within in. Routine = Happy Kids.

2. Can I work at home in a less than productive environment? If you have the choice to not work at all, you can just skip to question three. I know for our family, we require dual incomes. Actually at this time, there are 4 jobs being worked between my husband and I....so quadruple incomes???!!! In 2018 it is just HARD to have multiple kids and feel financially capable of managing it all without falling into major debt. Many moms choose to find ways to earn income while staying home with their kids. If you are interested in what I do, send me a message! Not only does this help financially, but it also helps us free our minds from the feeling of "just" being a stay at home mom. (Side note: there is no just in being a stay at home mom.) But it does come with it's own challenges. You either have to learn to be focused while Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is keeping your child entertained or you have to be diligent to work during nap time. If you choose to be a screen free family, you may have to work while your children are asleep or find 10-15 minutes here and there while they are entertained with books and toys. If you work for a company that requires specific hours, you will have to get even more creative and learn the things that keep your children occupied while you spend time at the computer. It can be done, but your office may be the playroom floor. You may not be able to complete one set task within the same sitting. And of course, you have to be completely flexible knowing every day may present itself differently.

For me, I am most productive in the mornings so I wake up an hour early to have my coffee, do a devotion, and dive into whatever tasks I have set for the day. Once Hollis wakes up, I get him his morning milk and settled in with a Blippi show. This usually gives me about 30 more minutes until he is ready to start his day. We do breakfast and books, play with toys, water the plants, spend some time on the outside, and then come back in, at which time I sit down to work on my computer. Usually if I spend a couple of uninterrupted hours with him, he will then be content playing alone for another 30 minutes and for the next 30 minutes I will either put on Peppa Pig or another Blippi episode. You must know this isn't without the occasionally request for a dramatic reading of Llama, Llama Red Pajama. He also loves the PBS Kids preschool games app which has tons of fun learning games. I have two older kids as well and they are a huge help with taking him outside if I have a deadline or simply can't stop working. After this hour, I move to daily chores and get accomplished as many things as Hollis is happy "helping" with. It isn't until nap time that I am able to sit back down and focus 100% on work. I highly value this time so I don't mess with Hollis's naps! Once Hollis wakes up I have no work schedule at all. Sometimes I'll get another 30 minutes of work time, but most days I don't get to work again until my husband gets home or my older kids can entertain Hollis.

The point I'm trying to make here is, if you must work from home or if you simply desire to have a career while being a stay at home mom, you have to be flexible.

3. Can I deal with mess? Oh the overwhelming mess that never ends. It takes time to get to a place where you can function within a mess. I'm not talking dirty. You can and will find an organized way to maintain a clean home. I'm talking about piles of toys and books and there always being some sort of dish in the sink and floors needing swept, vacuumed, or mopped 10 times a day. And the kids LOVE it. They love the chaos! I'm convinced they cannot play if all the toys are neatly organized in bins. They need them in a large pile to sort though and then walk away from 2 minutes later. As soon as you get one thing cleaned up, another thing will be messed up, and its just a cycle. If you have a home with a specific play area this is much better, unfortunately in our current home, Hollis's designated play area is in an open area so toys just move throughout the house. Years ago I adopted a 'no cleaning up the toys throughout the day" rule. I spent way too much time agonizing over maintaining a clean play area and picking up after my kids when just minutes later they would take the same things out again. Now I wait until about an hour before my husband arrives home and we all clean up together. I've learned to deal with a mess throughout the day or if I do clean something up, I remove it from being played with again. You have to learn how much you can deal with without going insane. Being a stay at home mom is all about managing your sanity levels!

4. Can I and my husband let go of preconceived expectations? I initially wrote this as "Do I have the support of my husband?" and after I thought about it for a moment, I decided to reword it. In some cases both moms and dad have no clue what goes into being a stay at home mom. This story came to mind. Unless you are some special kind of something, you and your husband have to let go of the expectation that the house will always be neat and tidy, dinner will be ready when they arrive home, and the kids will be on their best behavior. When I close my eyes I imagine a cross between a Stepford wife and The Sound of Music. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Sure there will be days when all the stars align, but many days a lot of things will not get done and you will be exhausted ordering take out.

5. Are you okay with being alone? This question kind of encompasses all of the 4 previous questions so I saved it for last. Each thing mentioned before can add to feelings of loneliness. I wish I could say it wasn't so. I wish I could say you will always be incredibly fulfilled by staying at home with your children, but in my experience it can be very lonely. You can feel isolated from the world, as if everything is going on around you and you are only watching it happen. You might feel the only reason anyone needs you is to take care of them. The things you were once passionate about become the very last to ever be done if ever done at all. Time stands still and yet seems to also move quickly and before you know it those endless days taking care of your babies, are now empty because they are in school. You may look around and think everything you now are comfortable with has changed again and you don't know where you belong. I think it's important to know these feelings are completely normal. I've never met another stay at home mom that hasn't felt lonely at one time or another. There are certain things you can do to help, but a lot of it you have to feel. It's part of it. Feeling lonely will help you learn self love, appreciate the time spent with your husband, and even move you to find other activities that fulfill you while being at home with the kids. If you ever start feeling worthless though, definitely seek help.

There is no right or wrong choice. If you aren't sure if staying at home or continuing your career is the right option for you, know that whatever you choose isn't wrong. Give yourself the freedom to make the decision knowing your choice can be undone. It doesn't have to be permanent, but in the same sense give yourself time in your choice to get used to it. You may find the first months are awful, but down the road you feel at peace with your decision. Staying at home isn't for everyone. It can be difficult, but it is also so incredibly rewarding...the good, the bad, the great, and the ugly.